I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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