Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
