youre lurking in front of me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just puked most of my soul out..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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