I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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