Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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