I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
