he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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