I could make wine with my vomit
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
