My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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