You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
