I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
