Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
In America we eat man semen.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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