By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
