Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
