i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
