so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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