Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
