i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
