Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize