if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize