Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
