I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Four minutes until I can fart!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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