i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
