Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
