he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
