I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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