I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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