No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
