he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
