well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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