i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
