I hate all girls vehemently.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
