i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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