he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
