went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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