so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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