I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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