You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
