i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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