There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
