Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
