my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
