I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
