i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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