Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
