is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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