I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
