please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
