ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
