i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
