so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
