Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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