her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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