Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
