Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
