shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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