He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
