I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
