is your mom at the bar?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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