are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
