By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
