Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
